Can blaming others ever be good for your mental health

Can blaming others ever be good for your mental healthCan blaming others ever be good for your mental healthMany people tend to blame others for their issues. Prime candidates are parents, partners,friends, bosses, and kids. Perhaps these examples sound familiar?The reason I dont have a social life is that my husband is an introvert. If he were more outgoing, I could really get out more.My kids are so difficult, it is impossible to have people over the house. They just run wild and I wouldnt be able to enjoy myself.If my dad hadnt cheated on my mom, I would have a healthy view ofrelationshipsnow and I wouldnt keep going for these jerks that treat me poorly.It is very tempting to blame others for things going wrong in your life, even personal habits you dislike or your own dysfunctional thought patterns.However, if you rely on blaming others for your own current emotional and mental issues, you are doing yourself a disservice in a multitude of ways. Heres why blaming others can sabota ge your ability to behappy.1. Blame keeps you in a negative headspaceFocusing on what others are doing wrong keeps you in a negative, pessimistic frame of mind. Instead of looking for solutions, you are lingering on problems. Instead of recognizing what people are doing well, you are looking at their flaws.In the first example above, the woman is blaming her husband for her own lack of asocial life, which makes her see him in a fairly negative and uncharitable way. You can see how this would contribute to feelings of depression and marital discord. If she blames her husband openly for his introversion, he likely will feel attacked and attack her back, which will lead to marital issues both short and long term.2.Blame stops you from looking at your own contribution to issuesAs long as others are the problem, you dont have to do the challenging, but ultimately rewarding,workof examining your own behavior. Your thought patterns and expectations influence the things in your life that yo u wish were different.For instance, the parent in the second example above could be exploring ways to work with her kids on improving theirbehavior, or exploring why it may be familiar or easy for her to limit her socializing. As long as she characterizes the kids as the problem, though, she doesnt need to do any of this deeper introspection, which would likely be very useful in moving her out of this stuck place.3.Blame keeps you tethered to the pastInstead of looking for ways that you can work on negative behavior patterns, blame allows you to stay mired in the past.In the last example above, thinking about your dads impact on how your relationship functions may be useful. But continuing to actively blame him may prevent you from digging deep into whats causing your unfulfillingintimaterelationships.It helps to talk through blameOf course, this in no way means you should ignore or minimize the ways that others impact you. It is extraordinarily useful to discuss your relationships - pastand present - with a therapist, or to introspect about them on your own.However, it is essential to move from a blame stance to an understanding stance, which can give you the mental and emotional space you need to get out of old patterns and move forward in more flexible and liberating ways.This article originally appeared on Talkspace.